[Fic] Subjectivity
Apr. 9th, 2021 06:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chirurgiqueTitle: Subjectivity
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Character Focus: Skuld
Rating: PG
Content notes: unreality, abandonment issues, references to a canon war (the Keyblade War)
Words: 1,502
Summary: The Keyblade War is on, but Skuld can’t stay and fight. Chosen as a Dandelion leader, she has things to do, places to be. But not people to be with.
Skuld didn’t know what she had expected the transition to the new world to be like, but it certainly wasn’t this.
The streets of Daybreak Town were empty, or they weren’t. The ever-present haze of morning mist was growing into a thick, clean fog, or the air was choked with smoke. She walked on and on, through throngs of people that she couldn’t touch, across the paths of panicked kids running helter-skelter, anything they were trying to call out falling mutely into the silent air.
I’m sorry, she thought. I’m sorry. But they were beyond her help now.
She trudged on numbly, turning a corner onto the same street she had been on before. The same street, but with less ghosts, the silhouettes of those she had abandoned barely shadows in the fog. Her hands ached from the weather, knuckles sore and skin cracking. She never did do well in the cold.
Up ahead was the fountain square. The space in front of her seemed to open up like a tableau, shifting sheets of vapour encroaching on the edges like curtains. If she looked closely, she could see there were some younger, corporeal-looking kids by the fountain. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their chatter seemed much more relaxed than the war-goers earlier. She quickened her pace. Were these kids Dandelions? There were supposed to be quite a few Dandelions, right? Too many to justify such a lonely pilgrimage. It only stood to reason that she would run into at least a few, and as one of the new Dandelion leaders maybe they could use her assistance with—
“C’mon Ephemer, it won’t take that long.”
She stopped short, the final clomp of her boot echoing into the unseen distance. Two younger kids were absorbed in conversation in front of her, as palpable as she was, indifferent to her presence. And she had a feeling she wasn’t going to be able to help them with their problem.
“I know, Skuld, it’s just that this is a really big chance for me! You understand, right? Plus I’m pretty sure you’re tough enough to take that mission on your own.”
“But...” The Skuld that wasn’t Skuld sighed. In front of her, Ephemer swung his feet from his perch on the fountain’s edge, smiling up at her apologetically.
“I gotta be on call in case more info turns up! This could be something really big.”
Or it could be pointless, thought the Skuld of two years later. As far as she remembered, nothing had come of this chance.
“Well, alright. But I’ll come back here when I’m done to check in with you, okay? If I finish up fast enough, then there might be time to run a second mission today. Do you think you would want to join me for that one?”
Skuld pushed past the figures and stalked on stoically to the edge of the square. She didn’t need to hear the rest. By the time she had returned that day, Ephemer had already left.
She soldiered on. The streets, though familiar in the abstract, repeated in strange patterns, splintering off and spidering out into the fog. Skuld took a deep, cold breath to keep herself calm, and insisted to herself that she wouldn’t fear getting lost.
It was easier to think clearly if she imagined she was guiding someone else. In times like that, regardless of any internal turmoil, she was usually able to keep it together and think rationally for the sake of the people who were counting on her. All she had to do now was pretend she was presently responsible for those kinds of higher stakes.
... The tower. Even if she couldn’t climb it, it was an obvious polestar, and the fog around it would sink over the river, making it easier to see. She looked up to the horizon, and sure enough, the dark shape of the clock’s massive pillars loomed unmistakably through the mist. She set off with renewed resolve.
The streets blurred past. She impressed upon herself that her speed was out of prudence and not panic. She was going the right way, she knew what she was doing, and it certainly didn’t matter that there was no one to tell her so. All she had to do was keep going—
“This way!”
It was a light voice that sounded somehow familiar. Could it be Master Ava? Skuld quickened her pace even further, toes of her boots almost catching on the cobbles as she stumbled forward. At this point, she thought she might cry with relief no matter who it was, as long as it was another person who could answer back.
She burst into the causeway, where the fog saw fit to dissipate a little, more interested in stretching out over the still waters far below. The figure of a young woman stood where the mist was clearest, hands clasped politely, obviously waiting to receive her.
Skuld’s heart dropped. She knew even as she swallowed down the bitter disappointment in the back of her throat that to be brought to the edge of crying over something like this was helping no one at all. But it was just so unfair.
The waiting figure was also Skuld.
The figure waved, smile as polite as her posture. Skuld trudged over numbly.
“Thank you for coming this far. You’re almost there!”
Skuld could only look back blearily, shoulders hunched despite herself. “So did Master Ava make you to lead the way, or...”
“Yes, that’s right.” The doppelgänger nodded. “To make sure that you would be able to find your way. She apologizes that she wasn’t able to be here herself.” It was uncanny, like looking into a funhouse mirror that gave your reflection Master Ava’s mannerisms and mien. No wonder Skuld hadn’t recognized her own voice.
“... Alright. How do I find my way?”
“It’s straight on from here! You’re doing a fantastic job by yourself, to be honest. I barely had to do anything!”
“Okay. Thank you.” She wasn’t sure why she was even thanking this simulacrum. It was basically a glorified signpost wearing her face, and the fact that the fog was closing in again probably meant that she didn’t have much time to waste. She moved to march on.
“Oh, and one more thing!”
Skuld stopped a few steps past the copy, and looked back over her shoulder. “May my heart be my guiding key?”
“Yes, that. But also...” The vision of herself turned to look at her. Skuld’s breath caught at the change in her presence. For once, the copy’s stance was familiar. The look in her eyes was reassuring and warm, like the look Skuld would give a friend whose problems she was trying to solve, whose heart she was trying to soothe.
“You’re welcome!” The other Skuld smiled. “You’re always welcome.”
For some reason that was what finally shocked tears out of her. Skuld opened her mouth to try to say something, raised her hand to try to reach out, but she was already out of time. Her other self just kept that same smile on her face as she waved goodbye.
The mist whited out the world around her. Was it even mist, or was it some sort of primordial canvas, blotting out more and more of her vision as the world that had been etched into it was wiped away?
Soon enough, the world was gone.
And then it came back.
*
“Am I the second to arrive?”
Ephemer whipped around, barely keeping his balance. “Skuld?! Well, this is a surprise!”
“Disappointed?”
She regretted saying it almost immediately. Seeing her friend in front of her, face painted with astonishment, made all her sore pride and resentment, the arguments she had had in her head, slip away like the memories of a dream upon waking. Thoughts were thoughts, and reality was real. Nothing would change the fact that Ephemer left her. Nothing would change the fact that Ephemer loved her.
Ephemer, of course, seemed glad as always to see her, all wide smiles and wide eyes as he explained his incredulity. Yes, this whole thing was surreal as to being unbelievable. Yes, they had their work cut out for them. Yes, she was excited to see who else would be joining them, too.
Skuld laced her fingers together, to wait comfortably, but also to feel the weight of one hand on another.
She thought back to when Ephemer had deserted her to her own devices, when he had told her she would be fine on her own. She had gone around saying she accepted it, taking it onto her shoulders like some silent noble burden.
That kind of burden never did anyone any good. Every heart yearns to connect to others. Even she was never going to stop wanting that.
But if no one comes back for me, thought Skuld, I can still come back for myself.
She squeezed her own hand.
I’ll never leave myself behind again.
Written for the prompt “Promise” for Day 5 of KHUx Week. Thanks for reading!
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Character Focus: Skuld
Rating: PG
Content notes: unreality, abandonment issues, references to a canon war (the Keyblade War)
Words: 1,502
Summary: The Keyblade War is on, but Skuld can’t stay and fight. Chosen as a Dandelion leader, she has things to do, places to be. But not people to be with.
Skuld didn’t know what she had expected the transition to the new world to be like, but it certainly wasn’t this.
The streets of Daybreak Town were empty, or they weren’t. The ever-present haze of morning mist was growing into a thick, clean fog, or the air was choked with smoke. She walked on and on, through throngs of people that she couldn’t touch, across the paths of panicked kids running helter-skelter, anything they were trying to call out falling mutely into the silent air.
I’m sorry, she thought. I’m sorry. But they were beyond her help now.
She trudged on numbly, turning a corner onto the same street she had been on before. The same street, but with less ghosts, the silhouettes of those she had abandoned barely shadows in the fog. Her hands ached from the weather, knuckles sore and skin cracking. She never did do well in the cold.
Up ahead was the fountain square. The space in front of her seemed to open up like a tableau, shifting sheets of vapour encroaching on the edges like curtains. If she looked closely, she could see there were some younger, corporeal-looking kids by the fountain. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but their chatter seemed much more relaxed than the war-goers earlier. She quickened her pace. Were these kids Dandelions? There were supposed to be quite a few Dandelions, right? Too many to justify such a lonely pilgrimage. It only stood to reason that she would run into at least a few, and as one of the new Dandelion leaders maybe they could use her assistance with—
“C’mon Ephemer, it won’t take that long.”
She stopped short, the final clomp of her boot echoing into the unseen distance. Two younger kids were absorbed in conversation in front of her, as palpable as she was, indifferent to her presence. And she had a feeling she wasn’t going to be able to help them with their problem.
“I know, Skuld, it’s just that this is a really big chance for me! You understand, right? Plus I’m pretty sure you’re tough enough to take that mission on your own.”
“But...” The Skuld that wasn’t Skuld sighed. In front of her, Ephemer swung his feet from his perch on the fountain’s edge, smiling up at her apologetically.
“I gotta be on call in case more info turns up! This could be something really big.”
Or it could be pointless, thought the Skuld of two years later. As far as she remembered, nothing had come of this chance.
“Well, alright. But I’ll come back here when I’m done to check in with you, okay? If I finish up fast enough, then there might be time to run a second mission today. Do you think you would want to join me for that one?”
Skuld pushed past the figures and stalked on stoically to the edge of the square. She didn’t need to hear the rest. By the time she had returned that day, Ephemer had already left.
She soldiered on. The streets, though familiar in the abstract, repeated in strange patterns, splintering off and spidering out into the fog. Skuld took a deep, cold breath to keep herself calm, and insisted to herself that she wouldn’t fear getting lost.
It was easier to think clearly if she imagined she was guiding someone else. In times like that, regardless of any internal turmoil, she was usually able to keep it together and think rationally for the sake of the people who were counting on her. All she had to do now was pretend she was presently responsible for those kinds of higher stakes.
... The tower. Even if she couldn’t climb it, it was an obvious polestar, and the fog around it would sink over the river, making it easier to see. She looked up to the horizon, and sure enough, the dark shape of the clock’s massive pillars loomed unmistakably through the mist. She set off with renewed resolve.
The streets blurred past. She impressed upon herself that her speed was out of prudence and not panic. She was going the right way, she knew what she was doing, and it certainly didn’t matter that there was no one to tell her so. All she had to do was keep going—
“This way!”
It was a light voice that sounded somehow familiar. Could it be Master Ava? Skuld quickened her pace even further, toes of her boots almost catching on the cobbles as she stumbled forward. At this point, she thought she might cry with relief no matter who it was, as long as it was another person who could answer back.
She burst into the causeway, where the fog saw fit to dissipate a little, more interested in stretching out over the still waters far below. The figure of a young woman stood where the mist was clearest, hands clasped politely, obviously waiting to receive her.
Skuld’s heart dropped. She knew even as she swallowed down the bitter disappointment in the back of her throat that to be brought to the edge of crying over something like this was helping no one at all. But it was just so unfair.
The waiting figure was also Skuld.
The figure waved, smile as polite as her posture. Skuld trudged over numbly.
“Thank you for coming this far. You’re almost there!”
Skuld could only look back blearily, shoulders hunched despite herself. “So did Master Ava make you to lead the way, or...”
“Yes, that’s right.” The doppelgänger nodded. “To make sure that you would be able to find your way. She apologizes that she wasn’t able to be here herself.” It was uncanny, like looking into a funhouse mirror that gave your reflection Master Ava’s mannerisms and mien. No wonder Skuld hadn’t recognized her own voice.
“... Alright. How do I find my way?”
“It’s straight on from here! You’re doing a fantastic job by yourself, to be honest. I barely had to do anything!”
“Okay. Thank you.” She wasn’t sure why she was even thanking this simulacrum. It was basically a glorified signpost wearing her face, and the fact that the fog was closing in again probably meant that she didn’t have much time to waste. She moved to march on.
“Oh, and one more thing!”
Skuld stopped a few steps past the copy, and looked back over her shoulder. “May my heart be my guiding key?”
“Yes, that. But also...” The vision of herself turned to look at her. Skuld’s breath caught at the change in her presence. For once, the copy’s stance was familiar. The look in her eyes was reassuring and warm, like the look Skuld would give a friend whose problems she was trying to solve, whose heart she was trying to soothe.
“You’re welcome!” The other Skuld smiled. “You’re always welcome.”
For some reason that was what finally shocked tears out of her. Skuld opened her mouth to try to say something, raised her hand to try to reach out, but she was already out of time. Her other self just kept that same smile on her face as she waved goodbye.
The mist whited out the world around her. Was it even mist, or was it some sort of primordial canvas, blotting out more and more of her vision as the world that had been etched into it was wiped away?
Soon enough, the world was gone.
And then it came back.
*
“Am I the second to arrive?”
Ephemer whipped around, barely keeping his balance. “Skuld?! Well, this is a surprise!”
“Disappointed?”
She regretted saying it almost immediately. Seeing her friend in front of her, face painted with astonishment, made all her sore pride and resentment, the arguments she had had in her head, slip away like the memories of a dream upon waking. Thoughts were thoughts, and reality was real. Nothing would change the fact that Ephemer left her. Nothing would change the fact that Ephemer loved her.
Ephemer, of course, seemed glad as always to see her, all wide smiles and wide eyes as he explained his incredulity. Yes, this whole thing was surreal as to being unbelievable. Yes, they had their work cut out for them. Yes, she was excited to see who else would be joining them, too.
Skuld laced her fingers together, to wait comfortably, but also to feel the weight of one hand on another.
She thought back to when Ephemer had deserted her to her own devices, when he had told her she would be fine on her own. She had gone around saying she accepted it, taking it onto her shoulders like some silent noble burden.
That kind of burden never did anyone any good. Every heart yearns to connect to others. Even she was never going to stop wanting that.
But if no one comes back for me, thought Skuld, I can still come back for myself.
She squeezed her own hand.
I’ll never leave myself behind again.
Written for the prompt “Promise” for Day 5 of KHUx Week. Thanks for reading!
